I started blogging about 8 years ago. It was mainly a place to share my adventures as a single mom and the challenges I was facing dealing with my 3 year long divorce.
I obviously don’t blog much about either of those things because they aren’t part of my reality anymore (thankfully) but my posts on custody, maintenance and divorce are still some of the ones people visit the most.
Last week I encountered a mom who is a couple of months into her divorce journey. She looks sad, stressed and anxious all the time, her kids look the same. When she mentioned her ex-husband it was like she was spitting venom. I know the feeling. It can become all consuming. Watching her and her little family bought back a lot of memories of that time for me, not all of them happy ones. I had to move home which placed incredible strain on my parents and our relationship. I spent three years fighting with my ex-husband over everything! It was a draining time and it felt like it would never end!
It did though, our divorce was eventually granted, the fighting stopped and I was able to move forward.
If you are going through a divorce remember,
It will pass! It feels like it won’t but it will. The sun sets but it always comes up! You will stop fighting, you will settle into a new normal, your kids will adjust, you will adjust. Just ride the wave until it does.
You will forgive. This takes time because there are so many negative emotions when you get divorced, so much gets said and done that can never be unsaid or undone. There will come a time though when you wake up and realise you no longer hate and you no longer resent, in fact you don’t really feel much of anything.
You do stop just surviving and start enjoying your life again. I was lucky that I had the support of my parents, many don’t have that and so those early months are really all about just surviving and getting through each day. This does fade and in its place is a life you can start to enjoy again.
You will love again. So many women (and men) swear they will never marry again, never get into a relationship again but I firmly believe we are not meant to be alone and once you have dealt with all the emotions of your divorce, you will move forward and you will love again and it will be even better than it was the first time around because this time you are a little wiser!
I left my ex-husband 9 years ago this year. It seems like a life time ago and like it was yesterday all at the same time. So much has happened between now and then, some of it really horrible but most of it has been unbelievable amazing. The older children and I are in a much better place than we were 9 years ago. They are happy. I am happy. We are all doing really well.
Life is all about the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the challenges and the triumphs. My divorce was one of the hardest challenges I think my family and I had to face. It was ugly and hard for everyone, not just me. But those emotions are memories now. Our life is now good.
Sometimes in tragedy we find our life’s purpose — the eye sheds a tear to find its focus. ~Robert Brault.