Some days you wake up with a spring in your step, get the day started and things just run like they are supposed. Then there are days where you thud out of bed and getting through the day feels like walking through sinking sand. Everyone has these types of days, I get it but somehow dealing with these hard days as a perimenopausal woman feels like we are re-enacting Artax’s untimely demise. 

I just had one of these days and, for the sake of community, I am sharing with you all. (It’s a pleasure).

My husband leaves for gym every week day morning at 5h00. Depending on my work load and day ahead, I will either stay in bed a little longer or get up and get the day started. It’s a sacred time for me because there is calm for a few hours. This particular morning my husband did not go to gym (which is his right obviously) but we had a busy morning so I got up early anyway to get a yoga session in and attend to some important emails. 

My daily yoga sessions are my calm in the chaos, some days the sessions are short and sometimes they are long. Some days I focus on breathing, calm and meditation and some days I move powerfully through the poses. This morning I decided I needed a session somewhere in the middle, I felt I needed calm but I also wanted to move. Turns out my dogs also wanted to move but did not need the calm. As I was trying to balance in Warrior 1, they were trying to lick my face. As I was hovering in plank, they were lying underneath me. I persevered and planked on top of them, held poses while they licked my ankles. I finished the workout but felt anything but calm or centered because the work out had taken longer than I had planned which now meant I wasn’t able to check my emails.

In a moment of sheer and utter madness a few years ago I became the Chairman of our Body Corporate. I now try every year to step down but no one else wants to do so now I am stuck – like Artax in the sinking sand. The relevance of this is that we are doing some maintenance which always seems to upset people (I mean who wouldn’t be upset at people trying to improve their property value.) and those upset people were demanding answers at 7h00 in the morning while I was trying, desperately, but unsuccessfully,  to find my calm. Replying to these messages, pushed me still later. And enraged me – I blame this rage on perimenopause because in the clear light of rationality, the issue was not that big but her push back made me so angry I wanted to smash things. 

Eventually we left the house, sort of on time. But we hit morning traffic, which we didnt really realise because we are lucky enough to very seldom have to sit in traffic. No problem, I will get to my meeting exactly on time but David will be a bit late. 

CRASH! BANG! Bodies flung forward! A car crashes into us, in the traffic, on the highway! F*CK! It was no ones fault really, just the result of traffic and people not paying enough attention. Fortunately the damage wasn’t too bad and no one was hurt. My rage, however, is no front and center. Like a meteor hurtling to earth, the ball of fire in my chest feels like it could take out entire countries – so I stay in the car while David deals with it. 

David gets to his conference, I get to my meeting and order a delicious cup of coffee while catching up with a treasured friend. The fire ball simmers down. 

After my meeting I try to get some work done at the coffee shop but my brain feels like Speedy Gonzalez is running around in there. The tasks I have to complete are simple but I can’t focus. I can’t come up with the words I need. I ask stupid questions and just feel incapable of being an adult. Yup, you guessed it, peri-menopause is, once again, demanding she is front and center of my life. 

So I leave, come home and try desperately to catch Speedy Gonzalez and eradicate him. It feels like I have succeeded. I manage to get work done, the words come, the designs are sent. I feel almost like a human again.

Then the chaos starts again – Jack needs to get to art, Emma needs to get to karate, dinner needs to be cooked, David needs to be fetch and just like that Speedy is back zooming around. I start getting dinner going, you know, to make my life easier – HA! WHAT’S THAT SMELL?? Oh it is the burning rice! A whole pot of very expensive basmati rice – BURNT! Good!

The afternoon run around starts. Kid 1 dropped off, dinner cooked (it’s not going to win awards but there are 2 veggies and a salad), kid 2 gets dropped, kid 1 gets fetched, kid 2 gets fetched and David finds his own way home. 

The day is done. But I feel completely unhinged. I am sad and angry and irritated and my pants are getting too tight! Just another day as a perimenopausal woman, am I right!