First there was Cameron, Kiara and I.
Then there was David, Cameron, Kiara, Jack, Emma and I.
But so much happened in the space between. For a long time it was just Cameron, Kiara and I. We went through a lot together before we came a family of 6. It bound us together in a unique way. We dealt with the breakdown of a family and the building of a new one together.
We moved as a unit. It was the three of us and everyone else.
Even when Kiara and I where really struggling to understand one another and she wasn’t sleeping and her tantrums were at their worst – there was still a strong thread that bound the three of us to one another.
It was, in many ways, a special time and I feel privileged to have spent that time with them.
As we became a family of 4, then 5 and eventually 6 our dynamic changed but there has always been a unique closeness between the three of us. Cameron has always been incredibly tuned in to what I am feeling – he knows when to push, when to support and when to step back. Kiara is calm, she is stable and she keeps us grounded.
But now it is time for the band to break up.
Last year when Cameron moved to Cape Town, it was tough for obvious reasons but Kiara was still here – the band played on – even if we were down a drummer.
But now as Kiara is getting ready to leave it is hitting me hard – harder then I thought it would because it means the band is breaking up.
It means we are no longer 3 or even 6.
They are becoming their own people.
They are standing on their own.
They are cutting the ties that bind.
I don’t want them to stay here. I don’t want them to feel like they can’t spread their wings. I want them to go and explore and discover their own path. It is their time now.
But as we step into this new season, there is, for me, a very deep sense of loss because the band is finally breaking up. I know I will always have the songs we have made, it does not ease the sense of loss I am feeling.