What is the first thing people say when the word homeschool is mentioned?
But what about socialising!
What about it?
We are in our 7th year of homeschooling and I have learnt so many things. One of those things is that we are understanding or defining socialising wrong. We have been conditioned over the years to believe that children must interact with children of their own age, in a controlled environment for a set period of time. That is how children socialise at school – at break, with their peers for 15-20 minutes. If they get dropped off early in the morning, they may have a few extra minutes.
Can you see the flaws in this system? No? Let me explain how I see it.
Humans are different, we have different personalities, different intellect levels, different interests, different maturity levels and we want different things from life – yes even as children. By sending a class of 6 or 11 year old’s out to socialise you assume they all have the same interests etc or at the very least enough common ground to get on with each other. But what about the kiddo who has a higher EQ or who is obsessed with birds or the introvert. But you are only giving them 20 minutes – in that time they need to go to the loo, eat and still form relationships.
When Emma was 4, she was in a great little preschool with a great teacher who understood how she functioned. Emma started bullying the kids in her class, not because she was a bad kid or mean but because she found them boring. She didn’t want to sit in the sand pit and play. She needed a little bit more. If we had continued with school this behaviour would have been something we would have continued to have battled with. She naturally gravitates to older children and even adults.
She now has a tribe of friends. They have been friends for almost 3 years now. They talk daily, they do sports together, they have sleep overs and play dates. They were there for her when Cameron died. Some of them we met at a social group, others she met at sports she does and a class she attended. They were allowed the freedom to connect, talk and get to know each other without limitations of time or place.
Jack is an introvert, he hates loud places and lots of people. We have had to be very intentional about making sure he has the opportunity to meet people. He does art once a week and has a games date with his friend Zac once a week. His art lesson is 2 hours and it has become his favourite place – he has developed a small tribe of friends that he sees predominately only at art, but there have been other outings as well. He met his girlfriend there and while they don’t see each other often outside of art, they talk constantly. Him and Zac talk outside of their Friday meetings. His circle is small and looks very different to his extrovert sister but he is socialising, he is forming friendships and relationships and he is happy. A playground full of noisy children is his worst nightmare.
I am using these real examples to show how socialising isn’t one thing. Socialising doesn’t only happen at break time, in fact many have argued that this type of socialising isn’t effective. My neighbour has 3 school going children and she is very intentional about play dates outside of school to allow her kids to connect and form relationships in an environment that is more conducive.
When we started our homeschool journey I actively looked for social groups and outings for us to join and let me tell you there are so many. We couldn’t say yes to everything otherwise we would be broke and get no school done. Homeschoolers know how to play a get together, the biggest advantage is that there are very seldom limitations on ages or genders which means children get exposed to older kids, younger kids, kids with autism, introverted kids and extroverted kids – all who are allowed to simply be who they are.
This is a hotly debated topic. I used to be on the “kids need school to socialise” camp but my experience has now shown me that that is not the case at all.
One Response
I love this post. I totally agree that we’ve all been conditioned that kids should be in classrooms with kids their own ages, all day long. Eveyone is just used to it, but it’s so odd, really! I homeschooled both my kids most of their school years, until college. Both are college graduates now. Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. So nice to meet you!