Our Journey With ADHD

If you have been following our journey you will know all to well our struggles with Emma. But if you are new here, here is a quick recap – Emma didn’t sleep. Ever. From the day she was born, she didn’t nap, she didn’t sleep through until she was 5/6. She had terrible tantrums well passed the terrible twos, she struggled with sensory issues and a host of other things. It has been a rough road for her (and for us). 

We had her at a Play Therapist for a while which really helped her learn how to navigate what she was feeling and experiencing. But we never had an official diagnosis or action plan. 

Then Cameron died and we all found ourselves in therapy to process that, which ended up being the best thing for Emma specifically. We found her a really great therapist who helped her work through her grief but then also helped us to figure out the best way forward in terms of school. 

During one of the feedback sessions, the therapist asked me if she could run a test on Emma, it is a test she runs on kids in school to see how they learn, where challenges are etc. There was an IQ element to the test which Emma was very excited about – she is super competitive, so she wanted proof she was smarter than us all (and she got it).

The results of the test were so enlightening – they highlighted a few things that explained why school had been such a struggle and confirmed what I already knew – she is super smart, her IQ, even with the lower scores on a few areas is high – which comes with its own set of challenges. At the end of the report the therapist said “There are signs of ADHD and having worked with Emma for 6 months now, I think we should talk medication.”

Aside: The therapist I saw to deal with my grief asked me if I had ever been diagnosed with ADHD

I just started crying. For a few reasons; we finally had a diagnosis and I wasn’t just a bad parent, I felt heard for the first time in Emma’s life and obviously there was the emotions around medicating. I have always been against the idea of medication, not just in this area but in our lives in general – I try really hard to keep things as natural as possible and ADHD medication is anything but natural. It was a lot information to process but we had a diagnosis and suddenly everything made sense. 

Why I hadn’t considered ADHD

It was only after the diagnosis and discussions with the therapist that everything made sense. I had not once considered this as a reason for Emma’s behaviour because she wasn’t hyperactive and I am child of the 80’s where ADHD equals hyperactivity. Sure, she needed to move constantly but she would get some school work done and would spend hours reading book after book. When she found something she loved she would focus on it for days but the things she loved changed constantly (hyperfixations). 

I will admit it was my own ignorance on the subject that stopped me from seeing it. And to be honest had she not been “forced” to therapy, I am not sure if we would have gotten there. But we did and I am very grateful for the support we had while we made the decision on next steps. 

What does her ADHD look like

I have since learnt a lot about ADHD and we knew David had it, but it became clear very quickly that I have it and so does Kiara.  Added to that is a little sprinkle of autism for the girls and I and it makes for an interesting household. 

A lot of these behaviours she has always done, we just didn’t connect the dots. 

• Stimming – when she showers she all but scream sings. One day David’s cousin who has had ADHD his whole life was there and she was doing it and he said immediately “oh she is stimming.” She will also randomly pull faces or shout or blurt out some random thing. 
• Picking – this has been going on for years and is so hard to manage now that she has pimples. 
• She needs to move – not in a running around kind of way but while we watch TV she will bounce on her yoga ball or go outside randomly and hit her tennis ball against the wall. Or she will stand behind her couch. 
• She needs strict structure – this was why the way we were homeschooling wasnt working. We had a routine but if she said she didnt want to do something, I would change direction – this created more chaos. Now she goes to her tutor 4 days a week who has a very strict structure – work has to get done at a set time etc. While she still hates the work, she is thriving in the environment. It is also why karate works so well for her – there is no gray in karate and her Sensei’s are disciplined and strict. (Strict doesn’t have to be a negative thing.)
• Food is an issue – she eats what she eats and struggles to add in anything outside of that. She hates things in her food – like onions in the mince, or spices she can see in the curry. The textures of so many things are problematic for her. Getting her to eat a balanced diet is a daily struggle. 
• Sleep remains a problem – obviously her medication makes this even harder but even before she was medicated, falling asleep was a struggle for her. 
• Things must be done now – she asked me to buy grapes the other day, I said I was planning a order the next day – she insisted on getting the grapes today. Silly example but this happens often – if she wants to do something, it must be done now. 

What now?

For now we will keep her on the medication. My goal is to ultimately get her onto something natural. I don’t want her to be on medication long term but we obviously have to then make sure she has the tools she needs to live her life on something that may not be as strong. 

Now that we are all more aware of the reason behind her behaviour we can work with it while not making excuses for it. 

It is not easy though. When she gets overstimulated or we are out of a routine, she really struggles and hasn’t learnt yet how to manage those moments completely yet (but to be fair, neither have I) so we still have a few really tough days. 

As scared as I was of a diagnosis it can be so empowering when you know why things are the way they are. It means we can work in equipping her, and us, with the tools we need to function optimally.