I have suffered from headaches my whole life. They suck and often the only way they pass is if I sleep them off, but I can still function. So, I assumed should I ever get a migraine I would be fine.
Well you know what they say about assumptions……and they are right. EVERY TIME.
I thought I was doing pretty well with lockdown. We have our routine and stuff is just happening and we are making the best of this rather challenging situation. But there is underlying stress and anxiety and I have spent 4 months not dealing with it that it was bound to bubble up and explode in some way.
Well it chose to manifest as a mother8cking migraine!
When I look back now it did warn me. My neck and shoulders have been excruciating and I complained to the kids about how my neck has been spasming lately. I have also just not been dealing with anything. When someone asks how I am, I am always just fine. Everything is good. The kids are good. Life is good. Work is good.
While it isn’t a lie, it is also not the truth. Life is stressful.
David and I are working but our industries have both been affected which means cash flow is affected, which means stress.
Cameron is in matric it is a BIG year. It is THE year. He has worked so hard for THIS year. Up until very recently we had no idea if he would actually write matric this year. We didn’t even know if he would finish the years work. The school eventually made a decision and he will write. But carrying that stress for nearly 4 months was a lot.
Kiara has been carrying on with school as normal and she has been incredibly focused BUT it was also up and down as to whether or not she would write exams and if she didn’t what did that mean? We received her exam dates last week which allowed us both to breathe a sigh of relief.
I don’t think kids have been as excited for exams as the class of 2020.
Emma’s behaviour has been off the charts. We but heads every single day. She fights us on every single thing. She needs to be out. She needs to be busy. She has added dancing to her extra murals this term but its still a daily battlefield with her. (And she still co-sleeps).
It has been A LOT.
A lot to carry and deal with and manage and staying positive has been hard!
They say fake it until you make it but honestly, I can’t fake it anymore. It is sh&t! And it is stressful.
My body called time out last Friday and I felt it shut down and by Wednesday the migraine hit me straight in the face and man oh man was it painful.
It was a pain like no other and I have had 4 c-sections, a hip replacement, and my wisdoms out. My head felt like it was going to shatter into a million little shards. I physically could not get out of bed. I tried and each time it was so painful I had to retreat.
Obviously when you get sick during the time of Corona you wonder if you have it and should get tested. You obsessively google symptoms and check your temperature a million times a day. You consider sending everyone away and quarantining yourself just in case.
Fortunately, I had none of the symptoms – there was no temp, no coughing, no aching joints – just an insane headache and some vomiting.
It took me three days of sleeping to get over it. THREE DAYS! I have never in my life slept for THREE days, not when I had my babies, not when I had my hip replacement and not when I had a pile of work waiting for me.
While I was lying, unable to move I did realise a few things
- It is unhealthy to pretend everything is unicorn and roses.
- Self-care is now more important than ever.
- It is ok to spend the day in bed every now and then.
- It is ok to say no.
- NOTHING about this situation is normal.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed – TAKE A TIME OUT. Put your phone off. Get into bed and sleep or read or binge watch House or whatever feeds your soul.