How to build your child’s self-esteem

Self-esteem is made up primarily of two things: feeling lovable and feeling capable. Jack Canfield.

Raising a child with a healthy self-esteem is so important but often something we do overlook because we are so focused on then reaching milestones, getting homework done and making sure they are happy.

One of the easiest ways to raise children with a healthy self-esteem is to make sure we, as their parents, have a healthy self-esteem, but there are  few other ways to build your child’s self-esteem.

Love without condition. We probably all do love our children unconditionally but often our words and actions say otherwise. We tie our own emotions to our children’s behaviour – “Don’t do that it makes me unhappy” or “You are a naughty child”. When talking to your child, chose your words carefully. It is a tough one and one we all struggle with at times but children take everything literally. Loving without condition teaches them they are good enough and more importantly they are loved for who they are.

Encourage risks. Cameron is pretty good at trying new things, he will taste most things, experience something that he hasn’t done before but we do have to encourage Kiara a little bit. It is important for children to try new things, even if it turns out they don’t like it. They may actually enjoy it – we didn’t know Kiara could run, her teacher pushed her and look at her now!

Allow mistakes. Jack and I are struggling with this because all I want to do is do it for him to make it easier, but I am actually making it easier for me, not him. We got a peg board in one of our Mysmartkid boxes and Jack loves it, I try to build the patterns on the sheets but he is happy to build his own thing, I used to insist we follow the pattern, now I leave him and often he does follow the pattern on his own and is beyond chuffed.Making mistakes is how they learn that they can do it and that it is ok to make mistakes! It is hard sometimes for us to watch it. 

Pay attention. My mom tells me (and I am sure my brother) all the time we need to pay more attention to our kids. I do struggle with one-on-one time with each time because there are so many of them but I am focusing on it and last weekend I managed it with all 4. It is important because it lets your child know that they are important and you value your time with them!

Don’t compare. Avoid saying “But your brother could do this, why can’t you?”. It is not productive. Children are different – Cameron can swim, Kiara can dance – the each excel in their own way. It makes the child feel inadequate and like they aren’t good enough. 

Celebrate achievements. When they get something right, celebrate, even if it is something like getting dressed for the first time or being able to open a bottle. We are doing this a lot with Emma now because she is getting to the age where she is able to do more for herself and often surprises herself with what she can do. 

Raising well-adjusted, confident and happy children is simple but it is also complicated and does require a lot of effort and focus. Sometimes we mess up and make mistakes but that is ok because we learn and we teach our children the value of making mistakes!

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