When you watch your toddler or young child deal with disappointment it is pretty tough as their parent, you wish you could shelter them from having to deal with those negative emotions. Kids that age are pretty resilient and they aren’t really fully aware of what they are feeling, so they bounce back pretty quickly. If all else fails, the promise of an ice cream or a new toy or even their favourite meal generally distracts them from what has happened.
When they are 13, it is a lot harder for them and for you as the parent. Cameron and I are in Durban for a gala and yesterday was the first day since he has started swimming that he was disappointed in his performance. It was very hard for me, as his parent, to watch and even harder to deal with because the offer of an ice cream just wasn’t working.
Neither his coach nor I were disappointed, in fact he actually swam really well and bettered his time in his second race but his first race didn’t go too well and he felt he had let himself down and was super bleak for the rest of the day. Obviously there were things he could have done differently and better but looking at it objectively he really didn’t perform badly but he felt he could have done better.
I honestly did not know what to do. I focused on the positive, boosted him and basically tried to be his cheerleader all afternoon but he was not budging. It made me realise two things. Firstly just how important his swimming is to him. He never gets stressed or upset or shows any emotion about anything. The day I told him about his scholarship he went “meh ok” but when I told him we were coming to Durban to swim he said “YEEEESSS”. Even when he got a really bad mark (relative to his marks) for his Afrikaans last term, he wasn’t as upset as he was yesterday.
Secondly I realised that as his parent there wasn’t much I could do anymore to protect him from the tough stuff. It is hard. Very hard. He is now old enough to feel disappointed in himself which is a tough load to carry but often very important for us to experience so we can improve and grow.
Fortunately this morning he had, for the most part, shaken it off and swam beautifully and was much happier with his performance.
This growing up thing is hard people! Nothing really prepares you for it.
2 Responses
Learning to deal with disappointment is all part of growing up! Glad he is doing well
Mrs FF recently posted…Silent Sunday… Again
My 9 year old daughter is very driven academically and athletically. The tiniest thing that doesn’t work out according to her idea or desire is enough to tip her whole apple-cart over. To see that as a parent is so very hard to deal with. There is a time when words just are not enough to help heal the feeling. xx
Celeste Booysen recently posted…Easy Friday meal idea {Smoked Salmon & Baby Dash Spinach Pasta}