Jack: LEAVE MY CHIPS KIARA!
Kiara: WHAT? I am not doing anything!
Jack: MOOOOOOM Kiara is irritating me!
Kiara: I AM NOT EVEN TOUCHING him! You are such a liar Jack.
Jack: LEEEEEAAAAVE MEEEE (punctuated by a kick)
Kiara: MOOOOOOOOOOM Jack kicked me!
This happens EVERY DAY ALL DAY in my house! These two were never really close but they go along until a couple of months ago, now it is all out war between the middle two. They irritate each other by just breathing. It is exhausting. I can’t just leave them to fight it out because Kiara is 10 and Jack is 3 – so its not really an even fight, especially when they start getting physically.
I often get asked which age gap is best because we have a little bit of everything. The older two are 22 months apart and the younger two just under 3 years and then there is a 9 year gap between Cameron and Jack and almost 12 years between Emma and Cameron.
It is such a hard question to answer because each gap has it’s pros and cons. For me though, the best gap has been Cameron and Jack. The bigger gap is definitely easier to deal with, especially in the first few years. You are able to focus on the older child for a few years before the new one comes along and then he is almost like an only child because you are able to focus on him because the older child now has different needs and is less dependent on you.
The small age gap for me, the second time around, was not much fun. I don’t remember it being this rough with the older two but having two little people dependent on you all the time can be draining at times. They both don’t sleep, they are both potentially in nappies, they are still very much dependent on you for everything. Granted it does get easier when they get a bit older but it also gets crazy once they are at school together pulling in different directions.
I am finding having two older and two younger ones a constant shift in pace. The older two are dealing with totally different things to the younger ones, so one minute we are discussing disco parties and hair products and then next I am wiping bums and trying to figure out a follow on formula. It does my head in a little bit.
The age gap doesn’t seem to really affect the relationship they have with each other. Jack and Cameron and extremely close and despite a slow start with Emma, there is a very definite bond between the two of them. Emma loves Jack and he loves playing with her, feeding her and making her laugh. Kiara is, as always, the odd one out a little bit. She just tolerates them all, Emma more so than the rest but still she gets fed up very quickly with all three of them.
I can’t really recommend one age gap over another but what I will say is AVOID the under 2 year age gap and ALL COSTS! I am not sure how moms with kids who have a age gap of 18 months cope with life.
What is your age gap? Was it planned?
12 Responses
For us the 33 months age gap with twins was exhausting for the first two years. 3 kids under 3 was very very hard – but I guess twins throws most equations out – also according to those that seem to know the “perfect 30 – 36 month” age gap may not be so perfect with tiny twins and an older one under 3. Now that they are older I think it is short on perfect – big enough to have their own things, but small enough to play together.
Lol yes Cat I think twins is a huge adjustment regardless of the age of the 3rd.
My eldest 2 were 20 months apart, they fought like mad and drove me crazy but they were very close (sadly now the bond is less strong). My younger 2 are 3 years apart, they also fight an awful lot but do also play together and adore one another. The 17 year gap between the eldest and the youngest means that the older ones have not had much time to connect with their younger siblings.
Wow!! A 17 year gap! That must have been a shock :))
We planned the two-year gap – it seemed like a good idea at the time, but the first year was incredibly hard on me. Now that they are 4 and 2, it’s getting better and I think they’re going to enjoy the close gap as they get older.
We had a 12 month and 2 week gap. It was so crazy that I still think of those days with dread. Now it’s paying off though, the girls are inseparable.
There’s 4.5 years between me and my brother. As kids we fought tooth and nail (and sometimes fist), but we were also very protective of each other. To give you an example: I once jumped in a pool to save him when he fell in, forgetting that I couldn’t actually swim either, haha. I almost drowned keeping him up! And we grew up to be very close.
We only have to deal with a 15 year age gap, and except that we have to deal with totally different issues the two get along famously! I have also been thinking that we get to give undivided attention to each when they are growing up!
But it is also good for children who do not get all the attention all the time, and learn to fend for themselves! (Maybe it’s better?)
Most of the time we do not get to choose the age gaps. It happens because of life!
My sister and I have a 4.5 year gap between us. We fought a lot in her teen years when I wanted to hang with her but she wasn’t keen cos I was not cool enough to hang with her. We are now however VERY close and as much as we drive each other nuts, we will kill for each other.
The age gap between Kade and Gemma is 2.5 years. It was not planned that way as Gemma was a surprise pregnancy after my earlier miscarriage. That said as hard as I found the first few months, I am thinking that long term it will be a nice age gap cos Kade will “take care” of his baby sister.
Lets see how it all pans out for real tho 😉
xxx
there is an 8 year gap between Mic and Mason and a 2 year gap between Mason and Mika. Honestly, we couldn’t be happier with that. Michael is an amazing older brother and helps me with the littles. But more than that, they are all friends. Even with a 10year gap between Mic and Mika, they get along so well. I am super lucky.
I agree with Karen – the age gap also happens because of life! With infertility I don’t even know if I can have another child. But I hope I do! I think three years would be good.
My older sister and I are 18 months apart and we still get along great. The next sister is just over two years younger. The younger ones fought more than us two older ones. I think I benefited
greatly in terms of development having an older sister not that much older than me.