One day you pee on a stick and there are two lines and you are happy or sad or surprised or hopeful. You have 9 months to deal with those emotions while you plan the nursery, buy a pile of unnecessary baby stuff and get lost in the miracle that is pregnancy.
The day arrives and before you know it some well meaning nurse places a screaming bundle of something on your chest and in that instant life as you know it will never ever be the same again. Your eyes dart frantically from the nurse to the baby to your husband to the bottle of pure alcohol somewhere in the surgery.
What the hell are you supposed to do and why is it screaming so much!
“Don’t worry, it will come to you, you will now what to do.”
Oh really?
Well how long before it comes to me? Because I have doing this for 13 years and I have yet to receive the holy grail of parenting that tells me what to do.
At the moment I am feeling the weight of parenting.
We all got told that newborns don’t sleep but where was I when the memo was sent out that 4 year olds don’t sleep through? It was possibly sent out while the post office was on strike because I did not get it!
Terrible twos are normal they said. They left out the part about your child having sensory issues and throwing hour long tantrums because there is just too much noise.
Don’t worry about the money, there will be enough. Well yes there is enough until they all need new shoes at the same time or they all make it into their respective sports teams and need tracksuits at R600 a pop.
I am feeling weighed down by parenting!
No one told me my four year old would look at me with sad eyes while I beg ask the teacher to please see if she can figure out a way to put his socks on so they don’t hurt him.
No one told me about all the vomit and poo that would become a part of my daily life.
No one told me I would have to watch the disappointment in my child’s eyes when he swam a bad race.
No one told me about Baker Man or Dress Up Day or Bring a Freaking Fossil to School Day!
No one told me my daughter would struggle to read.
No one told me I would have to wage war with educators who don’t want to educate.
No one told me I wouldn’t like my children sometimes.
No one told me just how much strain children would put on a marriage.
No one told me I would have a 13 year long struggle to make red icing because every year there is a theme with something red in it.
No one told me what its like to sit in hospital with your child who is so sick he can barely lift his head up.
No one told me Cars would become my favourite movie.
No one told me my children would never see their biological father.
No one told me I would feel like I have failed at something every single day.
No one told me just how hard it was making decisions for another persons future.
There is no happy ending to this post. No whimsical mentions about how wonderful my children are and how much joy they bring me.
No one told me just how heavy parenting would feel today.
All they did was place a screaming bundle on my chest and say “Congratulations, you are a mother.”
10 Responses
I totally relate to your blog today! It’s such hard work and some days there doesn’t feel like a light at the end of the tunnel.
Somedays it’s just okay to remember it’s not easy and that we all just trying our best with the situations we have.
Be strong!
Oh I love this post Laura! Because honestly we all have times like these. At least I can help you with one item – the red icing. Buy the powder colouring at Bakers bin. I have tried ordinary, gel everything and its always pink. Then one day a friend of mine who bakes told me about the powder. Btw the black is also brilliant.
(A has now decided to swim more – we have joined Players. I hope it will take a while until we get to the very busy stuff – then I will cry on your shoulder)
cat@jugglingact recently posted…Sometimes we forget….
I so get this, Laura. Especially the bit with educators who don’t want to educate! Jack’s teacher took a disliking to him from Day 1. Of course, he doesn’t make it any easier for himself because he is as stubborn and defiant as they come…
Also, it sucks but is comforting to know that I’m not the only one who has the issue of having to buy them ALL new shoes/ school bags/whatever at once!
MeeA recently posted…On Moving Things and Shifting Perspectives
Raw and honest! Great post Laura…it didn’t come naturally to me either…and I can add to your list. No one told me that when my children have moved on and gotten married I would still worry over everything concerning them. No one told me that each of my grandchildren will keep me on my knees in prayer every day.
…and then nobody told me how much pleasure my children and grandchildren would give me….and nobody told me how much of my character will be built during my parenting years.
xx
Lynette Jacobs recently posted…Renovation dreams (Part 1)
Ah my friend. I am soooooo feeling this post today.
xxxx
Parenting is never easy and Im still waiting for that user manual as well. Not sure if your hubby is the same but as for mine he seems to think us mom should “know” the answers with regard to things (specially when baby is miserable or feverish we should have those kind of answers)
Yes Deborah, they do tend to expect us to now what to do.
I tip my hat to you Laura…I think you’re doing brilliantly. Xxx
Louisa recently posted…So sweet…this is 5 (and a half)
Yes. This. ((hugs))
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*biggest hugs*