Currently on SABC 3 we are watching the last of Oprahs shows where she is remembering memorable moments.
It’s actually rather nice to be honest.
Anyway last night she had Toni Morrison on and she said something that made me think.
She said “when your child walks into the room how do you look at them”
And then went on to say that as parents when our children walk in we are generally checking to see if they have a jacket on, the right clothes, if their clothes are clean etc. Which means we are looking at them critically.
Every morning when my kids walk into our room – mainly to see Jack – I ask “What’s wrong?”
I am almost expecting there to be an issue – a missing sock or a lost jacket or an argument that needs reffing.
Most of the time when I see them I am reminding them to blow their nose, put their slippers on, not to mess crumbs or leave their glass there.
I could argue that their nose needs to be blown or they will get a cold if they don’t put their slippers on etc etc but is this affecting the way my kids respond to me? Will they remember me as always barking orders? Will they think of me as looking at them critically?
Maybe before I start barking orders I need to stop, smile at them and then carry on?
It really made me think about the way I interact with them though!
Moms – what are your thoughts? How do you look at your kids when they walk into the room?
10 Responses
This is definitely food for thought Laura.
I’m exactly the same, I’m almost always critical of Ethan when he walks into the room and I need to stop it. I don’t do it with Zoe because she is still small so in essence I’m responsible for what she is wearing, blowing her nose etc.
I need to smile at him more often. Thanks for this xxx
Definitely food for thought. It really depends on where “I” am at in that moment. If I have anxiety in my heart then I forget to take them in. If I have peace in my heart then I somehow find it easier and more natural to look at them with awe. Must work on this some more. Ironically, whenever I walk into the room then their eyes literally light up. Always. Doesn’t matter what their issues are.Melts my heart every single time.
I’ve also been watching Oprah on and off, but I find the last episodes a bit too soppy for me, but what Toni Morrison said last night is very true.
So weird that you are bringing this up. I thought about this a while ago and corrected myself. When Noah walks in to the room now, I just give him a silent, sincere smile, and he smiles his shy smile back. Really good topic x
Really something to think about.
I recall hearing this quite some time ago and it resonated with me.
My natural stance is to be critical, but when I am being “better” I try and think of something bright and sunny to say instead: “what is the most beautiful girl in the world busy with today?” or “Connor you are such a kind soul..” but I don’t always get it right, but this post does remind me to try and be a bit less critical, as I naturally am …..
Good post Laura!
DH and I have always made a point to greet our children in a way that makes them know we are happy to see them – and we ended up raising it as an issue at daycare when they had a miserable teacher who wouldn’t bother greeting them at all, or would greet begrudgingly with a sour expression on her face. I really think how they are greeted sets up their day (and impacts on their self-esteem).
I heard this on Oprah AGES ago (since I haven’t watched in the last 2 years except for a few episodes recently) and it’s always stuck with me.
I want my eyes to light up when they walk in the room.
So even though I’m grumpy I intentionally say something nice and that perks me up.
Generally I do light up though, esp when I haven’t seen them for a bit (after church) or when I come home from work.
They on the other hand are priceless “Mummy!” or “Marcia!”
Love this! Real food for thought.
I’m not a mom, but I was certainly on the receiving end of unrelenting criticism as a child, so I would say, yes go for it. First and foremost make them feel LOVED.