Dear Parents: It is ok to let your kids fail.
It is never easy seeing your kids struggle or get hurt or fail but if they never fail how will they learn how to brush themselves off and get up again?
Kiara is writing matric. Last week they wrote Maths – it was apparently a hard paper. The parents were (and still are) up in arms. Letters of complaint where written, petitions signed and WhatsApp groups started. The parents were upset!
Just to be clear – the work was all covered that was not the issue, the issue was the Maths paper was hard!
I get it – you want the best for your kid, you want them to get the marks they need to get into university – I GET IT!
But they are in matric, it is time to step back and let them deal with what happens. Maybe the paper was hard for your kid – it sucks but it happens. It is ok. It is ok for your child to feel deeply disappointed. It is ok for them to feel they let themselves down.
Sometimes in life you get hard paper, you get a shitty boss, you are in a bad relationship – it happens to EVERYONE, even the hardworking people and the nice people and the people we feel don’t deserve it.
Learning to deal with failure and disappointment is such an important part of life and as parents we HAVE To help our kids navigate the tough times – NOT FIX IT FOR THEM. Life is going to through our children all sorts of curve balls – just like it did with us. The best gifts we can give our children are the skills needed to deal with that failure and disappointment. If we don’t life is going to be a constant struggle for them.
Both my teens have had horrible papers. They have both shed tears and it has been heart breaking to watch but they both got passed it – they learnt from it and moved on.
It is also important to remember this.
Failing an exam does not define you.
Failing an exam does not mean your life is over.
Failing an exam does not mean you have no future.
Failing an exam is not failure and we need to stop telling our children that it is!
If you have a child writing exams now – BE KIND to them. Let them vent and cry or feel disappointed. Feel it with them, cry with them if you want to. But let them.
4 Responses
I so agree with you. As parents, we are there to guide our children, help them grow and develop the skills needed to deal with that failure and disappointment. Life isn’t always going to go their way, so why should parents cushion them in cotton wool? In fact, if you do protect your kids from failure or other “facts of life” you are setting them up for disappointment. Thank you for sharing.
I can’t agree more with you! Failure should be accepted and it is crucial for success! I love my failures.
Embracing failure as a learning opportunity can empower children to take risks and overcome challenges.
Yes I completely agree . Failing isn’t ‘failing’, it’s all about learning isn’t it