In the rush that appears to be my life at the moment/again/constantly – I am not getting time to blog properly and I have a lot I still want to say on certain topics.
The burning issue today is the Pamper Party one. The blog post I linked to yesterday and the comments to that post really bugged me. I had a great debate on twitter with some mom’s of girls who are also against the parties – it was a great debate and I respect all of the women who chimed in and agreed with what a lot of them had to say.
Then Ankia kind of summed up how I felt – she said “ I don’t think a couple of pamper parties can cause a little girl to be obsessed with her looks… Her personality & obviously day to day life & influences will play more of a roll. Imo.”
EXACTLY! This is exactly what I was trying to say in my reply blog post!
If you are not going to let your kid attend one pamper party a year (unless she is uber popular then maybe 2/3) based on the fact it makes her grow up to fast, sends out the wrong message and causes her to worry about her looks then surely it follows on that:
- She doesn’t do ballet. I have seen 6 year old ballerinas wear more make up than I own. And have you ever seen an over weight ballerina???
- She doesn’t do any form of dancing – modern/tap etc – pretty much for the same reason as above.
- She has no Barbies. You know with her unrealistic measurements, provocative clothes, big boobs and what not.
- She has no Bratz dolls – pretty much for the same reason as above.
- She doesn’t watch Hannah Montana, High School Musical, iCarly or any other such shows – have you SEEN how they dress sometimes?
- She doesn’t wear any clothing branded with all the above.
- She doesn’t own a 2-piece bather that shows her tummy.
- She doesn’t see you put your make up on or hear you comment on how you feel fat or look horrible in your clothes.
- You don’t paint her nails when you are painting yours.
- Her friends must be controlled – no friends who paint their nails, wear short skirts, watch any of the above etc etc.
I know some of you are rolling your eyes at me now and saying “whatever! You are being dramatic now”
Am I though? All of the above is what our kids are exposed to daily – EVERY SINGLE DAY!
These things effect them so much more than a 2 hour pampering session. They learn from the things we, as their mothers, do. If we set a good example, if we secure the foundation – one or even 5 pamper parties are not going to have an effect.
NOW I have had my say!
I
11 Responses
Oh Laura, I am so with you and Ankia – it goes to how we raise them, the values we install in them. What we as a family value and live by. Nothing wrong with a party now and again – it’s the every day that counts
Oh boy, so sad I only got to your post now!
What idiotic comments people make. I cringe.
My daughter had a wonderful time at the Pamper Party you did for her 9th birthday. Her friends loved it and said it was relaxing!
I would like my daughter to enjoy being a girl and the excitement of going to a salon, getting your nails painted or your hair cut. I want my daughter to be aware she needs to look after her skin, the only one she has. I WANT MY DAUGHTER TO FEEL PAMPERED.
To be fair, I fully agree with what you are saying, you points are true and totally justified.
As a mother of two girls, one who is at an age where this stuff features, I can happily say it is a non-issue for us for now. Mycaela is a bit tom-boyish and I don’t believe she would want a pamper party. She shows very little interest and I am ok with that, for now.
I do however agree with what Wenchy said, as a make-up artist and someone who works in the cosmetic industry I greatly value the need to look after your skin and hair and generally take time to groom yourself and value your appearance.
For me though, I will likely worry about this when she is 12/13. For now I am stoked that she is only just starting to ask for lipgloss, which she is allowed as long as its clear. Nail varnish during school holidays is fine too, its so insignificant in the greater scheme of things.
Also interestingly enough, my girls will not be permitted to do ballet or gymnastics because of the harsh training and the pressure to look a certain way.
Whether one chooses to do pamper parties or not, whatever the reason, is such a drop in the ocean of far bigger concerns.
Rather tell me why there are girls in primary schhol on Facebook and MXIT? What does an 8 year old need a Blackberry for?
Frankly, cover them in a mud pack, polish their nails, let them gorge on sweets, rather doing what society condemns under adult supervision than arranging to meet men on the internet.
If my daughter cared to, I would certainly allow her to have a pamper party as long as I was allowed to ok what products were being used on children’s skin etc.
I actually blogged about this topic today as well, as you know, I am opposed to Pamper Parties and you can read why here: http://www.theblessedbarrenness.co.za/?p=6483
In my opinion, pampers parties alone are not the problem and your view of them as not being a problem, I agree with in principal, but that is tunnel vision and we have to look at the messages are children receive as a whole, on a daily basis and for me, there in lies the problem.
The objectification of women and girls and the sexualization of young girls does not come from a pamper party but from all the messages they are bombarded with on a daily basis that leads them to believe that all they should strive for is being pretty and well groomed and that I have a problem with.
Hi Laura
As per my previous posting on your blog, I would not give my Jada a pamper party…but that is my personal choice..I would not give myself a pamper party.
I think the kind of child you raise is very much determined by the kinda mother you are (i think). If you are the kinda mom that spends time in beauty salon or in that profession, your little girl will naturally show an interest.
Whereas in my case, Im the kinda mom that never wears make up to work, my nails are short and most saturdays you will catch me in my PJ…
So I think that despite there being a huge debate regarding “pamper parties”, I think us Moms should rather be looking at our own habits, our own opinions of ourselves…that will have more effect on our little ones than a one off pamper party
Hey Laura,
As a yoga teacher I am faced every day with grown woman who are completely out of touch with their bodies, sexuality etc. This presents itself differently in different woman – eating disorders, promiscuity etc.
I think the problem is not that girls attend pamper parties its that girls are taught from a young age that they have somethingto be ashamed of. Sharon for example has blogged about her love of Essie nail varnish, she admits to regularly having her nails done, hair every x weeks and is always made up immaculately. (Sharon, I only use you because I read your blog extensively… this could be about me but no one knows who I am **blush**)
The message your daughter gets is that its ok for you to do all these things but I can’t because I need to hide myself, make myself unattractive?
I agree completely with monitoring television watching and toys as much as we can and NOT dressing our kids like prostitutes but the reality is that if you take your child to the mall… EVER… they will be exposed to these things.
it is my opinion that girls need to be introduced to the evils of the world in a safe and positive way. An afternoon of learning to look after your skin, take some time out for a massage and get your nails painted can only positively affect your life. In my opinion.
I would much prefer to see young girls become young woman who are confident and proud of themselves than another generation who is brought up to believe that woman should be ashamed of who they are and then villified for not ‘looking after themselves’
Its a very clear line in my opinion between introducing your child to a beauty regime that is healthy physically and emotionally and creating a ‘toddlers and tiaras’ type scenario…
If I had a daughter she would see me painting my nails, grooming skin and hair, wearing makeup and dressing up every day, naturally she would want to be a part of that (I know my 4 year old son wants to participate!) and I would encourage her in an age appropriate way to do so.
Denise – you said what I have been trying to. I think a large part of the problem is people don’t really get what a pamper party is – it is so far away from a “toddlers and tiaras” style affair – in fact those moms would laugh in our faces 🙂 It is encouraging girls to look after their skins, to care about their grooming.
Ugh. I hate those Bratz dolls. As far as I’m concerned they are worse than Barbie!
i wouldnt have a problem at all with pamper parties my daughter who is 6 has been to plenty parties where they have just had somebody to paint their nail and the kids loved being able to choose their own colours. its only a party so for most girls it would be such a treat!
I don’t know what to comment here. Reading the list you made up here, makes me feel as if I’m the wrong one here. Because only 2 things on that list you have posted, are things my daughter and son do. All the other things aren’t allowed in our home or are controlled by us.
Reading the list that you posted, is perhaps exactly why I don’t feel that I will ever let my child have or attend a pamper party. Call me old fashion then … perhaps I’m proud of trying to let my children/daughter growing up that way.
My eldest daughter is almost 10 years old and we follow a good skin care routine. I think it’s very important to encourage this from an early age, when she hits her 20’s and 30’s she is going to thank me, I know it.
there is nothing wrong with “Pampering” yourself now and then, and teaching young girls (and boys too) to look after themselves doesn’t send the wrong message.
One of our favourite activities to do, is to get our hair done in the Salon, and I fully intend on taking us both out for manis and pedis these holidays.